Emo Update

Emo's gaining weight! Woo-hoo!!! He's now up to 1.8 ounces. He was 1.9 ounces before surgery and the goal is to get him to gain even more weight. He's being friendlier and more affectionate. Maybe he was moody and cranky because he was hungry. Haha! It's nice to have my chinchilla back. He tried to groom me a little bit last night. That's one step closer to the chirping and tail wagging!

Poor Lil' Bugger!

My little chinchilla cannoli:

My little bugger had dental surgery about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Since then he just hasn't been interested in food. Not exactly sure what unit of measurement my vet uses, but he weighed about 5 before the surgery. This past Friday he weighed in at 4.4. (I think she said she used grams, but for some reason I'm confused as what exactly is going on.) If chinchillas lose too much weight they can develop fatty liver disease. Yikes! So I've been syringe feeding him strawberry apple sauce 2 - 3 times a day. Suffice it to say, he is NOT a fan. He's been fighting me by struggling, scratching, whimpering, cowering, and overall just being a HUGE drama queen. What can I say? He's emo!

Not sure if you can see, but these are my battle wounds from him:

Hence, the whole cannoli ruse. He's bundled up so tightly that he's restrained from any type of struggling, which unfortunately, makes him more vocal. He's also been behaving like a rebellious teenager. He knows that he's not supposed to chew on the walls - he's doing it, especially after I tell him not to do it, he's going places where he's not supposed to go ... When I go to grab him or physically stop him from misbehaving, he starts to snip and make protest sounds. I even had a stare-down with him to re-establish who was in charge.

Clearly I torture my pet. He has a rough life.

I miss the days when he used to chirp happily and wag his tail.

Randy's Lexus Commercial

Randy refers to this as his "fake family". I told him that his wife was hot! Haha!

Oh! And I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

He Found Victoria's Secret!

Happy Nov. 1st!

Hope everyone had a great Halloween and that none of you felt like this this morning:

(My friend's cat, Nancy. That is how she sleeps. Face plant!)

Men *palm face*

I haven't been writing because I've been knee deep in rehearsals for a production of Twelfth Night with A Noise Within theater company. It's a pretty reputable company down here in LA. The show opens this Saturday. Woot. I'm exhausted. Anyhoo...

Tonight some of the men in the cast were amusing themselves during some dead time during our rehearsal. I am convinced that every man has a 5 year old in him, no matter what age he is. These guys created a game where they were squeezing their nipples and pretending to shoot each other with milk. A part of me found this hilarious! A second part of me thought that this was really gross and a third part of me was like, "Seriously??? You're middle aged!!!"

Leggings

Cricket!

Note: This incident was stressful when it happened, but by the end of the night it was HI-larious!

I hate my job, but I do like most of my co-workers. One of them happens to be Arnie. He's this short, little, reserved, Italian guy who's about my age. He's a character and he cracks me up. One day he came to work with this thick mustache. It looked like a mustache that porn stars would wear in the 70's or that of Freddy Mercury from Queen. Granted, I hadn't seen him for a few days prior, but it was all his own hair. He got a lot of flack for that mustache, but man, he wore it with pride - until he decided to shave it off.

As a server, you will every so once a while, deal with a freak incident. Arnie was the lucky bastard tonight! One of his tables had ordered a salad and it is BJ's rule that we have to check on our table a minute after the food is dropped off. Arnie stopped by his table, occupied by a couple, and asked if everything was alright. The girl said, "Something tastes weird." She then proceeded to spit the contents of her mouth back onto her plate. Arnie took a look and realized that she had spit out a partially eaten carcass of a giant cricket! Yeah, PANIC!!!! As procedure, Arnie grabbed a manager to help deal with the situation. In an effort to be helpful, he grabbed oranges, limes, and lemons to help the poor woman rid herself of the taste of cricket. When those didn't work, our manager told Arnie to get her some soda water with bitters.

Nothing could get any worse, right? Riiiiiight...

The woman then breaks out into hives! She apparently had an allergic reaction to the bitters in the soda water! Poor Arnie was freaking out!!! Of course, their entire meal was complimentary and they left pretty quickly. Luckily, they were really calm and nice about the situation because they were regulars and understood that this was a freak incident. I felt bad for Arnie in the moment, but after a couple of hours, I could not help but laugh about how a bad situation just got INSANELY worse.

Poor Arnie got so knocked off his groove that throughout the night he kept introducing himself as a new server to tables that weren't his, and refilling their drinks. I was giggling at him all night. Arnie's fine. He's such a trooper!

I've now started calling him Cricket. :0)

Psycho Girl

There was a period of time where I was really curious to know what a "psycho girl" was. You know when a man says, "I took her out and realized halfway through the date that she was crazy! I couldn't wait to take her home and never see her again!" I never really knew what that meant because, well, I'd like to think I'm sane. That being said, I'd like to think that all of my girl friends are also sane. So aside from being women (a.k.a. more emotional than men and irrational/hormonal when we're on, say our periods), what exactly is the definition of a "crazy/psycho girl"?

What's the saying? Oh right, be careful what you wish for!!!

=If you want the short version, stop reading here and skip to end.=

Back in July 2010 I discovered this girl on Facebook. At the time she was an acquaintance of Randy's. Over the months she started to bug me. She always knew what Grey Goose event he'd be working at or when he'd be going out of town. I also knew this information, but I was the girlfriend. I think it's kind of expected for a guy to tell his girl where he'll be and generally what he'll be doing. So who the hell was this girl??? In November, out of an irritated curiosity I clicked on this girl's profile and discovered that her privacy settings were set to public - so I could see everything she put up. This lady (I use the term loosely) was born in 1975, is a single mom, and at the time, lived in Florida. I clicked on to her wall to find out more about her and to my horror, found that she was leaving love notes to/about Randy in her status updates. What was even worse was that she was planning on moving to Los Angeles in July 2011! Holy panic and pandemonium, Batman!!!

I happened to be visiting friends in New York when I discovered all of this and of course, my dramatic side surfaced. (I believe that all actors and actresses have a dramatic side. There's a good percentage that are able to keep that side of them in check, I'd like to think that I am one of them, but it will come out at the worst of times.) I was up the whole night, I cried, I panicked, I ranted, I raved, I made Randy call me at 6 o'clock in the morning ... it was definitely an unpleasant mess! I look back and I think I did a decent job of not falling apart too much on the outside, but I definitely feel a little bad that Derrick and his family had to deal with me. (I hope I wasn't that much of a handful Joanne! I know this happened almost a year ago, but I'm still sorry!!!) Inwardly, the best way to describe my feelings was to compare it to the activity of an electron. (Nerd reference!) I was bouncing all over the place!

Needless to say, Randy and I had a huge fight about it. Randy denied anything was happening. He was good friends with this girl's brother and as a favor to his friend, took this girl and her daughter out to lunch while she visited LA back in July 2010. That was the first and only time he had met her. He would occasionally have a texting conversation with her, initiated by her each time, and that is how she knew about things he would be doing. For example, he would be at the airport to fly to to Maryland to visit his mother. She would text, "What's up?" and because he is a nice guy, he would respond with "Can't really talk, boarding plane to Maryland." This chick would then post on his Facebook wall, "Hope you had a safe flight!" and I would see it. Add on domino effect reaction.

He had no idea this girl was leaving love notes for him and was mostly upset about the way I reacted and handled the situation. I was angry because I thought there was an affair going on, and how could he not know that this girl was leaving notes for him???, and how could he not understand the way I was reacting??? So starting in December we started to fix things. I will say that we didn't get 100% past this until April 2011. Randy and I have always had issues with time. We're both busy and we don't get to spend as much time together like the average couple would. I can't say that I felt like I could 100% trust him at that point, even though Randy sent her a message saying that he was in a relationship, deleted her information, and then defriended her on Facebook. There was a lot of hurt on both sides but by April I will say that a lot of our issues, this one included got ironed out.

So everything was hunky dory until this past Monday. (Is your head spinning? Because mine is! Kudos to you if you're still following along!) Randy had an evening business meeting this past Monday with Grey Goose. Crazy Pants had an early birthday dinner party going on at Flemings Steakhouse to which Randy (and all her other crazy friends) had an invitation to. My man, who despite this drama was still friends with Nutcase's brother, stopped by the restaurant because a) he wanted to catch up with his friend, b) the restaurant was on the way to his meeting, and c) he thought enough time had passed and that things would be "normal". He brought along a bottle of Grey Goose (which is free for him, as he is a Goose employee) as a gift because he didn't want to show up empty handed. He stayed for 10 minutes, spoke solely to Crazy's brother, and promptly left. Why Randy thought this would be a good idea, God knows. So then I start seeing status updates like these:

"Just got home from work and received everyone's birthday wishes!! THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!! You are all soo special to me!! XOXO!!..Getting ready to go eat with Randy and then out with the girls later tonight!! ;) Loving my birthday so far!! ;)"

And then:

"Just had the most amazing birthday dinner with Randy at Flemings..And my birthday presents were amazing as well..Flowers, a day at the spa, Express and Nordstroms gift cards, a bottle of Cabernet and 2 bottles of Grey Goose ;)..Thank you Randy for an amazing birthday!! xoxo"

*sigh* My head hurts.

Then tonight, she decides to show up at Houston's where he also works as a bartender. Already annoyed and slightly stressed out by this situation, he tells another bartender to take care of her. And yes, she posted a note about how she visited him and blah blah blah.

=For the short version, resume here=

So I guess, speaking from personal experience, a psycho girl is a female who pursues a man who is not attracted to her and/or already has a girlfriend. Despite the fact that she is made aware of this, she decides to pursue him anyway, making her presence known, and constantly contacting him to a point of harassment.

Why on earth would a woman want to pursue a man who does not want her??? Oh right, only a crazy woman would do that.

Here is what's going on in my head:
1. I refuse to ask of Randy anything that I would not want him to ask of me. He is a big boy and he has proven to me that our relationship is very important to him. I believe that I am overstepping my boundaries if I ask him to stop being friends with psycho's brother. However, I do believe that Randy will step back from that relationship if Koo Koo keeps pursuit.
2. I trust Randy. Absolutely 100%. I trust his judgment (although he clearly made a lapse in judgment this time).

Randy said to me that he told Crazy's brother that he thought she was bananas. The brother's response was, "Oh, she's harmless!".

I beg to differ! She's not harmless to me or my relationship. She's poisonous! Words can hurt and do great harm. She's like herpes! We got rid of her in December, she disappeared for a while, then months later she suddenly flared up and now she's back!

As far as her mother and friends are concerned, Randy is something wonderful and couldn't be a better boyfriend to her. Thankfully, I am aware of what's going on and I definitely take ANYTHING this girl says with a grain of salt. As of now, she hasn't made any physical threats and I'm letting Randy handle this. But I am ready to spring into action if Randy gives me the green light. What am I planning to do? I have no idea yet. She is 6ft tall so it might prove to be a bit of a challenge for my 5ft frame. I am feeling so territorial, though! I don't know if I should laugh at this girl because it's so ridiculous or to grab a cudgel and prepare for battle!

Gah!!!!

A Man's Doctor Notes

My friend shared something about her Dad on Facebook and I thought it was so funny that I'd share it:

"my dad keeps an address book with detailed notes on his ipad under the notes section. I am laughing crying under his list of doctors "DR Birin: does not care about my kidney stones" "Dr Suozzi: He does not look like a doctor" "Dr Jacob: Doesn't want to be doctor. wants to be karate teacher". " Dr B: I like him, he is fat and tells me i can eat whatever i want"."

Murphy's Law

So these past couple of weeks have been one of the busiest weeks in the artistic department for me. Last Tues evening I headed down to San Diego to film my second day on the commercial I booked for Sycuan Casino and Resort. (Call time was 4am. I managed to get about 4 hours of sleep this time, as opposed to my first day where I had a 3:30am call time and only 1 hour of sleep.) I spent the whole day in a micro-mini skirt and 5 inch heels. I was in them for 11 hours! My feet HURT!!! I then drove the 2 hour journey back home as soon as shooting was done.

Then the following Saturday I had a workshop with Scott David, casting director with April Webster - huge casting office! Current big show that he casts is Criminal Minds. Then on the following Monday, I had an audition for an acting internship at A Noise Within, theater company located in Glendale that focuses on classical plays. Yes, I was pretty busy with prepping monologues and scenes. On top of that I was working my restaurant job.

So guess what happened??? I got sick! Got the flu! And it wasn't a 24 -48 hour bug. No! It's been a week and a half I'm still not 100% out of the woods yet! I had laryngitis, headaches, body aches, running nose, cough ... you name it! Everything but the fever. It got so bad that I actually went to my doctor and she put my on antibiotics. Not only am I still currently on the antibiotics, I'm also on antibiotic eye drops because I'm a genius and managed to get my eyes infected too! Hopefully I should be done with antibiotics this weekend.

I did all my auditions with half a voice. I had this raspy, whispery thing going, which was either really sexy or chain smoker. I gave the choice to whomever I was speaking to. I think it was just peer determination to do well because I wowed Scott David (whom I was secretly petrified to meet because I had heard that he could be a bit of a bitchy gay man) and I nailed my audition for A Noise Within! Personally I think it was the voice. It gave me some mystery. Unfortunately, I'm getting better and my voice is getting back to normal. Haha!

But yes, I am now an acting intern (albeit an unpaid one, but I need some artistic outlet at this point) at A Noise Within and they've decided to put me in their first production of the fall season, which is Twelfth Night. I'll probably be part of the ensemble and be doing a lot of dancing/pracing around. Either way, it's something TO DO while I wait for my agent to get me those tv/movie auditions. It'll also be nice to get involved in the LA theater community and meet new people. I have a feeling I am going to disappear for the next few months. This internship lasts until December.

Next on the agenda: How to get rid of this damn dry cough?!?!

Underwear

Another chinchilla story:

Sometimes I'll let the chinchilla run around the bathroom while I take a shower. I guess I consider this multi-tasking because Emo needs time every night to run around outside his cage. This one night, I was getting undressed and accidentally dropped my underwear. It landed right on top of Emo's head, who unsuccessfully tried to pull it off. Unfortunately, the chinchilla managed to get himself tangled in it and promptly began to run around the bathroom in a panic. It seemed like his inner dialogue was:

"It won't go away! Maybe if I run away from it while wearing it, it'll go away!!!"

Luckily I was quickly able to untangle him from my underwear before my already traumatized chinchilla could pass out from fear. He instantly jumped into my arms and burrowed his head in the crook of my elbow. Chinchillas will hide their heads when they're nervous or scared. He was so cute!

Couldn't help but feel sorry for the little guy, though! Poor Emo! Got scared by a pair of panties tangled on his head.

Encouragement

As I randomly surf the web or stalk people on Facebook during my breaks at work, I will occasionally run into gems that help my morale. One of my Facebook acquaintances posted a blog entry written by Jenna Fischer, who, if you watch The Office (American version), you would recognize as Pam Beesley, the secretary. I read the entry and it offered so much encouragement and basically confirmed that I am on the right path to having an acting career. (Validation! Hooray!) I decided to share it because I feel that it would help explain the acting business to my friends and family who aren't in the industry. I am hoping that it will help paint a more realistic time line of when and how milestones can and will be reached. It just takes time. Period. And by time, I mean more than just 1 year. You can read the original post here, but I've also posted it below for convenience.

The only thing I would say that's incorrect is SAG's initiation fee. Clearly she joined that union years ago because the initiation fee today is $2,277, plus the first semi-annual fee. She lists membership costing $1,200.

Enjoy!

The Acting Advice Blog - by: Jenna Fischer from The Office

I've received tons of letters from people asking advice about the entertainment industry and, in particular, pursing a life as an actor. People have also asked how I got to be on The Office. This blog, I hope, will address some of those questions.

I grew up in St. Louis Missouri. I always wanted to be an actor but when you grow up in a place like St. Louis that is sort of like saying, "I want to be a superhero when I grow up". It hardly seems real. The world of Hollywood is mysterious. You hear stories of girls being discovered at ball games. Success is about having "it" or being pretty or some other intangible magic. You have no model for how to succeed. Everyone's story is different. One person does stand-up for 15 years and then gets a TV show, someone else finances their own movie and it takes off at a festival and suddenly they are the hottest thing. But for each of those people there are thousands of stand-up comics and filmmakers who never got their break. How do you know what to do?

I thought being an actor meant being famous. But, most actors aren't recognizable. It's funny. I watch TV in a whole new way now. Like, I watch a show and I see the person who has 3 lines on Law and Order and I think, "Their family is gathered around the TV flipping out right now. I bet that was a huge deal for that person!" There are so many actors that make a living by doing support work on shows. I was that person for many years. For me to stay in this business, it had to be okay if I was never recognized. I learned that I loved the craft of acting more than the idea of being famous.

My first piece of advice to someone who is serious about being a professional television or film actor is: move to Los Angeles. Moving to Los Angeles can be difficult but it is the only city that doesn't put a ceiling on where you can go with your career. New York is the place to go if you want to do theater. But if you want to be in film and television, move to LA.

I had a teacher once who said, "If you can think of anything else you are passionate about besides acting, do that. Your life will be better for it." I actually think that might be good advice. I couldn't come up with anything so I moved to LA.

I fully expected to be working in movies within a year of moving to LA. That was not my reality and it is not the reality of most people who move to LA to pursue acting. It can take a very, very, very long time to succeed in this business and my best piece of advice is to not give up. You have to motivate yourself and just keep going. Create projects for yourself. Don't whine. The first year is the hardest followed by every anniversary up to about year 5 when you're so beaten down you don't notice the years passing anymore. I have a friend who is so incredibly talented it is a crime that after 10 years in LA he still has to wait tables to make a living. He gets acting work here and there but he can't hold down an agent. This business is not fair. It is not like other businesses where if you show up, and work above and beyond everyone's expectations, you are pretty much guaranteed to move up the ladder. I don't know why it works out for some and not for others. And when you move here you have no idea which camp you are going to fall into.

It isn't who you know. It just doesn't work that way. I didn't know anyone when I moved to LA. Most people don't. I shared an apartment with an old college buddy. He had a commercial agent and I was sure that by knowing him, this agent would take me on. She didn't.

Here is how I got "discovered". I had been living in LA for about 2 years. A friend wrote a TV script and wanted to do a live stage version as a way of attracting TV producers. He asked me to play a small role. It meant lots of rehearsal for very little stage time and no pay. Along the way I questioned why I had agreed to do it. But, it was very funny and he was a friend, so I agreed. After our 3rd performance, his manager approached me and asked if I had representation. I said, no. She offered to represent me saying she thought I had a real future in television comedy. Naomi is still my manager today.

A month later, I was doing a very strange play - a musical adaptation of the movie Nosferatu - at a small theater in Los Angeles. I was doing it because I loved the Commedia dell'arte style of the show and the people involved. I worked all day as a temp doing mind-numbing data entry for a medical company and then went to rehearsals for 5 hours a night, often getting home past midnight. One night an agent came to see the play and left his card at the box office asking to meet me. He became my first agent.

Now, that sounds easy right? Well, that was all after 2 years of working as a temp, doing every acting gig I could find - usually for no pay, borrowing money to buy a new engine for my car and wearing a pair of shoes with a hole in them because I couldn't afford anything else. Did I mention my living room curtain was made from a torn bed sheet? It was another 3 years before I got my first speaking part on a TV show. That show was Spin City. (I played a waitress in a scene where the girl playing Charlie Sheen's crazy date threw bread at me.)

Every year I did a little more than the year before. My first 5 years I probably earned between $100 - $2,000 a year from acting. Year 6 brought me some of my biggest success and I only made $8,000 from acting. But, I put a lot more money into my career than that. Headshots are expensive. The photo session and getting prints can run anywhere from $500-$800. Classes range from $150-500 a month. It costs $1,200 to join SAG once you are eligible. And apartments are crazy expensive. $700 - $1,000 for a crappy apartment that you share with at least one roommate. It's no wonder my living room curtain was a bed sheet.

So, how did I get The Office? Spin City was cast by Allison Jones. She also casts The Office. She became a fan of mine through a series of auditions. I kept going into her office year after year auditioning for different things. I got some and not others but she kept bringing me back. I developed a relationship with her - not because I met her at a party and we schmoozed - but because I had proven to her over the course of many years that I was a reliable and serious actor capable of providing a consistent body of work. That is what this business is all about - from a real working actors perspective. Allison remembered me when it was time to cast The Office. She called me to audition and I finally got the part.

Most actors think their first priority after moving to LA is to get an agent. I disagree. I think the first priority should be to build a body of work. Become a pro so that you are valuable to an agent. No agent wants to sign a non-union newbie. It's not their job to get you ready. Join NowCasting.com or LACasting.com and submit yourself for non-union work. Get experience. These websites require you to pay a monthly fee for their service. I would normally warn you about places that charge you a fee, but NowCasting and LACasting are legit businesses. You post your photo and resume. They post casting notices for student films, short films, non-union work and some commercials. You are able to submit yourself for work and hope you get a request to audition. I have friends who work all the time doing this. It is a great way to get commercial work. I think the website LACasting.com submits their non-union members to commercial agents as part of their service. (You need to live in LA to participate.)

Work as an extra. If you are new in town this is a very good way to learn how a movie or television set operates. I did this my first year and I'm glad I did. No one gets treated worse than an extra (or as they are called now, background artists) but since I went through it myself I know how to be gracious now that I'm more successful. It's a great boot camp. You learn the set terminology and etiquette from a safe distance. That way, when you book your first acting gig you will know what it means to "hit your mark" or how to "clear for second team". The top extras casting agency is Central Casting. If you work enough you can earn your SAG card. That's how I did it.

You need your SAG card to be taken seriously by an agent. You cannot work on a TV show or a studio movie without belonging to the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Union. You can do some extra work if you are not in the union but you cannot have a speaking role in a major production. There are non-union productions that hire non-union actors (like student films and low-budget features) and that is a great way to get practice in front of a camera.

When you are ready to get an agent you should know a few things. Legitimate agents only take 10 percent and they should NEVER charge you a monthly fee or startup fee. They should not force you to use a certain photographer to take your headshots. If they do, they are probably just signing you up so that you'll hire the photographer and they'll get a kick-back. Agents should only make money if you make money. An agent may ask you to sign a contract - this is normal. A standard contract is for 1-2 years. I would not sign a contract for more than 3 years. And, READ THE CONTRACT. A friend of mine met with an agent who tried to write a clause into the contract that made it so that, at the agent's discretion, the contract never ended. If you are unsure, contact SAG and ask them for a standard Agent/Client agreement. Ask if the agent you are thinking of going with is SAG certified.

If you are good at comedy, take classes from the Groundlings or I.O. (formerly known as Improv Olympic). Second City in Chicago is also great. These are the most recognized improv comedy places. They look good on a resume. It's a great place to meet people when you are new to town. Classes are expensive so that can be hard when you are just starting out. I didn't do this but I wish I had. Almost every actor on The Office has studied with one of these 3 places.

There is a book you can get at the LA bookstore Samuel French called "The Actor's Guide to LA". It is a spiral bound book that is updated every year. It lists all the extras casting agencies, casting directors, agents, photographers...etc. This is a great resource for the new actor. I also suggest reading Backstage West. It has casting notices and articles for actors.

Finally, there is an amazing book you can do called The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. I highly recommend it. It is a 12-week self-lead creativity seminar in the form of a book. It's brilliant. You don't have to move to LA to do it. In fact, it would be a good thing to do if you are thinking of moving to LA. It might give you the answers you need. It was through doing The Artists Way that I was inspired to make my movie LolliLove. I completely credit this book with giving me the tools and courage I needed to complete that project (a project that took over 4 years to finish.) And I credit LolliLove with giving me the confidence and practice with the mockumentary style that lead me to landing my job on The Office.

Yes, you will meet some scumbags if you move to LA. People that prey on newcomers. I can tell you with absolute certainty that those people have NO POWER in the grand scheme of things.

For example, it was my first year in town and I was part of a theater group. At a party for a new play opening the playwright came up to me and asked me if I was an actress. I said yes. He asked if I was interested in doing a part in his new movie. I was kind of floored. How did he know I was any good? I said, "What is it about?" And he said, "Well, you'd have to do a raunchy sex scene with nudity. Would that bother you?" I laughed and said, "I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't be proud to show my parents." He then said, "That was a test. You aren't a real actress. A real actress would never say that. A real actress would piss herself onstage if the part called for it. You aren't going to make it in this town. You should just go home." And then he walked away. I went back to my apartment and cried. Why was Shem Bitterman (that is his real name) such a dick? I have no idea. Stuff like that will happen to you if you decide to become an actor. People will roll their eyes when you tell them what you do. You have to develop a thick skin - without becoming jaded, guarded or cynical. That's a tall order. I'll say now what I wish I had said then, "Shem, sir, with all due respect, you are a fuckface and you can kiss my ass."

I have a great acting coach who says that success in Hollywood is based on one thing: Opportunity meets Readiness. You cannot always control the opportunities, but you can control the readiness. So, study your craft, take it seriously. Do every play, every showcase, every short film, every student film you can get. Swallow your pride. Be willing to work for nothing in things you think are stupid. Make work for yourself. Make your own luck. Don't complain. Hopefully, the work will find you if you are ready.

I know how hard it can be when you first get out here. Go out and meet as many people as you can. Create a family for yourself of creative, supportive people. AND, don't stop your personal life for your career. I know a lot of people that wait to do things - visit family, friends, have relationships, get married - because they are waiting until they "make it". Or, they don't go to a friend's wedding because they might "miss something". Life is too short and it's not worth it in the end. I always took off and did that stuff and it turned out fine. I was often anxious and worried in the process but I did it. I believe that in order for my professional life to move forward, I have to keep my personal life moving forward as well.

I wouldn't be where I am today if not for my ex-husband James. He is the one who convinced me to quit my job as a secretary (ironically) and focus full time on acting. I didn't totally believe I could make it but he did. He supported us financially and supported me emotionally. He ran lines with me and coached me before countless auditions. He put up with my highs and lows. He was, and still is, my biggest cheerleader. And, you need that out here.

It will be hard to explain your first milestones to friends and family back home. They are waiting to see you on TV or on the big screen. It is hard to explain how a 2nd callback for a job you didn't land was the highlight of your month and a very valid reason to celebrate. I remember one year my proudest moment was at an audition for a really slutty bar maid on a new TV show. It was written for a Pam Anderson type. I thought, "I can never pull this off. I just don't have the sex appeal. I feel stupid. No one is going to take me seriously." But, I committed to the role and gave the best audition I could. I didn't get the job. I didn't get a callback. But I conquered my rambling, fear-driven brain and went balls out on the audition anyway. That was a huge milestone for me - but hard to explain at Christmas. A year later I booked the role of a trashy prostitute in a little indie movie called Employee of the Month. In the past I would have turned down the audition thinking that I would embarrass myself. But after that earlier breakthrough I felt confident. The success is not always in getting the part but in the seed that is planted.

If you live in LA and are serious about acting, I know a great acting coach. He teaches a class on How to Audition. Being a great actor isn't enough. You have to master the art of the audition - showing people you are a great actor. His class is both inexpensive and amazing. I completely credit him with changing me from a good actor to a working actor. His name is Robert D'Avanzo 818-508-0723. Ask about his 6-Week On Camera Audition Class. He's the best kept secret in town. And he's AFFORDABLE!

This Spring marked my 12 year anniversary in Los Angeles. I didn't land the part of Pam on The Office until year 8. I'm hardly an overnight success. Likewise, Rainn Wilson toured the country doing theater and was one of those working but unrecognized actors for over 10 years. Steve Carell had been kicking around for close to 20 years. Most of us on The Office have a story like that. I think that is one of the reasons why we are all so very, very grateful to have landed such a wonderful job. Slow and steady wins the race.

I hope that answered your questions about the biz. Good luck!

Skydiver

A skydiver describes the disappointing photo of of his adventure: “I was in Cancun and an Irish friend of mine didn’t really know how to use my camera and he only took that one. It is the only proof I had that I went skydiving.” (Photo: Chris/Reddit)

Heads/Tails

Piece of candy for anyone who can find the chinchilla!

I Booked My First Paying Gig!!!

FINALLY!!! It's my turn!!! I booked a print commercial job for Sycuan Casino in San Diego. I will be playing the role of a waitress, which is a stretch, I know. God knows I'm a pro at that by now! They will be paying me $350/day and will need me for 2 days, they will be reimbursing me for mileage to get down to SD, and they will provide room and board for one night per work day. Woot woot!!! Finally something that pays more than $80! Haha! I will be heading down there Weds night and should be back in LA by Thurs evening, and then will be heading down there again for my second day on Sept. 7th.

God knows I needed this! It'll definitely help with the tight earnings I barely get from my restaurant job and hopefully I'll be getting more gigs! Yay! I'm starting to become a "real" actress!

Modern Day Lysistrata!!!

Oh, for the love of ... REALLY?!?!

I was buying Ramen noodles for dinner because I have no money, due to people in Burbank not tipping properly. At the risk of offending a certain racial group, I was standing in line behind a group of very ghetto people. They started calling me Ramen and noodles and laughing. I wasn't sure if they were calling me that because of my purchase or because of my ethnicity. Either way, I really wanted to kick them.

Ironically, the grocery store clerk said after they left, "Some people are just where they're from!". The clerk is of the same ethnic group.

Moral of the story: He who lives in a glass house should not throw stones.

For Jeremy

I just had a realization that I should probably start documenting my gourmet dining experiences better. The photos that I have for this place is minimal and I'm wishing I had more visual aides. I didn't take any pictures of the cocktails we drank nor did I get any images of the fantastic food we consumed. I think was too distracted and hungry to make a quality documentation of the experience. Whoops! Anyhoo...

This entry is specifically for my dear friend, Jeremy, whom I've successfully managed to see at least once a year. Last year I went up to San Jose to see him, this year he came down here. He had a business meeting down here which was the initial reason why he was in LA. He had a victory - something to do with a script, which I would feel he'd rather tell the details, but while down here he made a stop to see me. Yay!

Our agenda this past Monday was:
1. Day at the beach
2. Dinner at Campanile

For those who are foodies, Campanile is a restaurant owned by Mark Peel and is housed in a building that was specifically built for Charlie Chaplin. Chaplin was never able to use the building because he lost it in a divorce to his second wife, but the architecture and remodel is gorgeous! You can find out more info on the restaurant's website. You can also see a photo of the building in it's original form. The restaurant sits in what used to be the courtyard of the original building and a skylight has been built over it, presumably to preserve it. So on the website you can see what I didn't capture with my camera, which will be pretty much every thing but the skylight ceiling.

Jeremy hates having his picture taken, but he's in the lower right corner of this photo!

This is one of their VIP rooms.

Dinner was fabulous!
Appetizer: Clams and muscles with sorpressata, tomato confit, grilled bread, and aioli
Entrees: Jeremy had Pan-Roasted Hanger Steak with roasted red onion, mustard mashed potato, horseradish crème fraîche. I had Ricotta & Summer Squash Ravioli. It came with brown butter, pine nuts, currants, sage, parmesan cheese. The sweetness of the currents was a surprising compliment to the saltiness of the ricotta.
Dessert: Jeremy ordered a Peach Tarte Tatin (I think this is what we ordered. It's no longer on the menu online so I couldn't confirm) and I ordered the flourless Chocolate cake. Heaven!

All in all, it was a wonderful day! The only weird thing that happened was that I drank a really strong cocktail at dinner. It was definitely stronger than I thought because I went to bed at 2am feeling absolutely fine! Then woke up at 7am with a pounding headache and was drunk as a skunk! I, personally am not interested in replicating that experience, but if you'd like to try it, here's the drink:

Violet Beauregarde
polish vodka, triple sec, fresh lemon juice, muddled fresh blueberries, served up in a sugar-rimmed cocktail glass

It's a very tasty cocktail, but dangerous!!!

Lucky Break!!!

My speeding ticket got dismissed!!! My cop didn't show up! Yay!!!!

Next on the agenda: Don't get anymore tickets.

Fed Up!

I'm still dealing with the effects of stress. I'm not currently experiencing any pain, but I am dealing with weight gain. The reason why I know that the weight gain is due directly to the stress I've been under, is that the weight specifically covers my abdominal area. My arms, legs, face, chest - they're all the same as before. In fact, my bones, like my ribs, are still visible, which seems to signify to me that I'm still skinny. I am so confused as to how I should feel. I'm not fat, not fat at all, but I'm not skinny either because of the fat that's padding up in my abdominal area. The scientific explanation for the weight gain is the production of the hormone, cortisol. It's the stress hormone - supposed to promote survival in times of peril. It can alter a person's metabolism and it makes a person crave sweets, junk food, and alcohol. I've definitely been craving all of that. I've been fighting my cravings with every ounce of will power I have but at the end of the day I can't help but give in. I've started working out/doing pilates to get my brain to increase the production of sertotonin and dopamine, two hormones that suppress stress and depression. Pilates so far, have proven to be amazing! I'm actually starting to see stomach definition, but at the same time, the fat in my abdominal area isn't going away. This is truly a strange experience and I don't know how to feel! My mind is screaming because my own conception of my body image is so warped! The anorexic disorder that I tend to quietly deal with wants to stop eating, but the food craving is unbearable. This whole ordeal is ironically so stressful in itself!

So the question is, what is stressing me out, aside from stress itself? The answer: my whole life. I'm fed up! I'm fed up with waiting tables and dealing with stupid people. I'm fed up with having to work my fingers to the bone and can't afford to take any time off. I'm fed up with people whom I know that I'm smarter than and have a better college degree than, talk to me like I'm stupid! I suddenly looked around the other day at work and realized, I don't belong here. No offense to any of my co-workers, but I realized, I'm smarter than most of them (note, I did not say street smart. Rather more of the intelligence, academia type of smart.) and that I was bred to be the top of everything that I do (reference to my "tiger mom"). I just don't belong at BJ's. I don't belong in a restaurant at all! I'm fed up with working so hard for an acting career where every milestone I reach, I find 10 more walls I have to climb over. I'm annoyed to see acquaintances of mine working and I'm pissed off at friends who constantly tell me these people are working, and then insensitively insist that I be happy for them! I am happy for my acquaintances, but what about any sensitivity for my feelings? I'm struggling to do what they're doing and you expect me to be happy and not feel any form of jealously or bitterness??? Come on!!! I'm fed up with friends who just don't have their lives together and invest their energy in stupid, trivial situations and then just talk and talk and talk and talk about it because they've forgotten that I'm not really in the state of mind to handle this drama and be supportive! I hate the fact that they are so self involved that they forget that I need their support right now and that I need them to just stay calm around me right now. For God sakes, please!!! I'm fed up! I'm fed up with having to care about other people and be sensitive to their needs! This needs to be a ME time!!! And quite honestly, I think I'm going to take a stand and refuse to be apologetic for being selfish right now!!!

NOTE: This is not an announcement that I'm quitting acting. I'm still pursuing it. I just don't know how to make this journey any easier on my system.

Oh yeah, and then there's this ...

Almost forgot - got new headshots ... again. I really like these ones, though! I hated the ones I took a few months ago. I've since grown into my new hair style and I feel like these ones truly represent my personality and look. Here are a few that my agent has chosen. Hopefully these will be the last for the next few years!

Commercial

Theatrical

Character/Print

Truckin' Along

There's honestly not too many exciting things to report on at the moment. I've started to get auditions through my agent, which is good. Now just have to book something. Still working at the restaurant and hating people and their over-the-top requests. Trying to start booking things so I can stop working at the restaurant. Just truckin' along ...

So somewhat pathetically, the main consistent pleasure in my life has been the chinchilla. He's up when I get home from the restaurant and ready to play. I have to say, I've discovered that chinchillas can't see very well with light. So instances where I previously thought my chinchilla was dumb, I've now realized that he was just blind! I mentioned that he would run into walls and then stare at the wall, bewildered that it was there. Well, I'd be surprised too to run into a wall if I couldn't see it in the first place!

Another sign that the chinchilla is not dumb: I've potty trained him. I have no idea how! But he knows I don't like it when he pees on the floor or carpet. He'll only pee in his cage or on cardboard. Dumb animals don't usually understand potty training - at least in my mind!

Third sign that the chinchilla isn't dumb: He's learning how to play fetch! That's when I noticed that he can't see. I tossed a treat to the other side of the room. Emo followed it via a zig zag trail, which led me to believe he was following the treat's scent.

Oh, pets. I will say, Emo is a very happy chinchilla! That's just a gut feeling, but he's always excited to see me when I get home. Either that or he knows I'm the one with the treats! Haha!

I'm a Matchmaker!

This is the Fleece Buddy.

Fleece Buddy, meet Emo, the emo chinchilla.

1:56am: Love connection is consummated.

WEIRD!!!!

Twitterpated!

For the past couple of nights my chinchilla has been wagging his tail and chirping at me. I finally looked it up on the internet and apparently he's been doing a mating dance. He's been flirting with me!

Someone actually said, "Be careful because they will do the deed to your arm if you let them!" A recommendation is to get Emo a fleece buddy, which is a stuffed fleece toy to let him play with or "do", if you will.

I find this whole situation extremely amusing.

Grammar

Addendum to former post: Sorry if my words and sentences are a bit cumbersome. It's almost 2am and being that this is not a term paper, I get lazy. You guys know what I'm trying say. But being that I'm a bit OCD about coming across as educated, I acknowledge that sometimes my posts are poorly written!

Rodent!

This is Emo, my new pet chinchilla.

I've had him for about 2 1/2 months now. I didn't write about him before because I was just being lazy, had other stuff going on, etc. But yes, this little guy is my friend in my lonely one bedroom apt.

This is Emo, being all emo and melancholy because he jumped in the bathtub, which unfortunately for him, was filled with water. He got drenched! Hee hee!

I try to play with him a little every night. This is usually what happens after running around for about an hour straight. Knocked out!

He's turning out to be pretty affectionate, but he's pretty dumb. He has a wheel to run on for exercise, but prefers to use it as a swing. He's a creature of habit so when things change, he doesn't look before he leaps - both figuratively and literally. Thus, explains how he ended up jumping in a bathtub filled with water. Chinchillas like to jump and run around. Sometimes he'll run and jump straight into a wall. When he lands back onto the floor he'll stare at the wall stunned, like he's surprised to find that there's a wall in his path. Watching his antics kill my brain cells sometimes because he's just not the brightest light bulb in the box - but he's my boy!

Thankfully, the horrible horrible stress cramps have mostly subsided. I have put myself on a vitamin regiment of D3, Magnesium, and Vitamin B. Place emphasis on Vitamin B, which is the vitamin that monitors the intestines. I also have been trying to alter my mental state and have been working on not getting upset over little things to eliminate my stress level. So far, its been working, except for when I go to work. That's the only place where I start to feel any type of cramping. I'm seriously hoping I will see a light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to my serving "career".

As far as the acting career goes, things are moving along. Steady, but slowly. I've been focusing on a lot of personal promotional/advertising regarding various projects I have been doing, and doing a lot of classes/workshops for exposure. The next task is to figure out how to get more auditions so the chances of me booking an actual gig will increase. Yup, getting new headshots - AGAIN! The headshots are never ending. Hopefully these new images will be more intriguing and interesting to casting directors to make them want to call me in, and will hopefully represent me and my personality better.

Regarding the boyfriend: It seems things in his life are quieting down a little - at least enough for him to mentally have room to consider taking a mini vacation (with me!), or wanting to find time to visit me at my restaurant job! Hey, my relationship has been difficult. Cancer and family deaths have pretty much deprived me from being able to have a functioning boyfriend/relationship. I count the baby steps!

So I will end this post declaring that I am still truckin' along. Still in transition. Can't wait for another breakthrough.

Scary Side Note

Addendum to former post: If the medication doesn't help me, I might have to go and see a specialist. Yeah, this whole experience is not proving to be fun at all.

Pain. Lots of Pain.

I have been suffering from very strong abdominal cramps for about a week now. At first I thought they were really bad menstrual cramps, but being that my period ended and the cramps continued, it seemed to rule out that possibility. These cramps are ridiculously intense. I always want to curl up in fetal position and start breathing to pass through the pain. It's really bad when I'm working because, well, when you serve tables you have to pretty much be on the go all the time. So I went to the doctor and she thinks it is pain induced by stress. I've definitely had an extremely stressful past 4 months and I will probably write more about it when my tummy isn't bothering me. My doctor has prescribed a muscle relaxant for me, but for those who've taken muscle relaxants before, they don't work unless you are actually making an effort to stay calm. Kinda difficult when working a stressful restaurant job or auditioning for something (especially when auditioning for something! Nerves are most certainly not my friends! And neither is pain!). I have so far discovered that my stomach muscles stop convulsing when I'm driving (I guess driving really relaxes me) and hot baths. Anyone got a hot water bottle I could borrow?

On the flip side, I've apparently gotten a small taste of mild labor pains. Awesome.

Most. Random. Thing. Ever.

My credit card had a fraudulent charge and the card has since been canceled. But I just received this person's purchase:

This cost $19.95. So glad I didn't make this purchase.

Hooray for free soap!

Career Therapy

Warning: Long post.

I don't actually have a manager, but I do have a manager who's helping me on a consulting basis. I'd like to nickname my sessions with her "career therapy". She's been giving me ideas on what I can do to keep some kind of momentum going while I "wait" for other people in the industry to let me in the door. One of her recommendations is to be more present and positive about being in the now, as opposed to being wistful for the future, or nostalgic for the past. She also suggests that I keep writing about my acting endeavors on this blog. So I'm going to attack one thing at a time:

1. Being more present and positive about being in the now: Career

I'm having difficulties being "positive". Things are just kinda ... well, stagnant for now. How can I be content with the present if I feel like nothing is happening??? So I figure, well maybe if I let go of the negativity that I'm holding in, it might help.

Let me correct myself: "nothing" is not exactly happening. Things are happening, I'm just relying on other people to get me from point A to point B. I know that my agent is working for me, especially since I got a random call from her the other night asking if I knew how to speak Korean. Of course, my answer was no. So yes, she's definitely submitting me and working on my behalf. I suppose we're just waiting for casting directors to want to call me in. Maybe I'm just waiting for just the right role to come my way? Who knows??? I got one big audition for pilot season and I want to have more. I'd ideally love to have 3 -5 auditions a week. That's not happening yet. What has been happening is me sending out postcards about becoming SAG eligible back in Feb and taking workshops to get exposure to various casting directors. Those two things cost money. So any extra money I have left over after paying bills have been going to postcards and workshops. Hence, I never have any money to do anything fun. I miss fun. Thus, I transition to ...

2. Being more present and positive about being in the now: Relationships and People

I had come to the realization back when I lived in NYC that I could not live my life just for my career. One of the major reasons why I moved back to Los Angeles was that my personal life was here. I had a boyfriend in CA, my parents were here, and my LA friends just seemed to be moving at a slower pace. I felt that life in New York was moving way too fast with friends getting married and having children - I wasn't ready to deal with any of that yet. Also, New York was proving to be exceedingly expensive and just working and sleeping wasn't the way I wanted to continue living. As many know, my relationship fell apart, now the friends in LA are heading towards marriage and children, and my dysfunctional mother has decided to stop talking to me (which turns out to be a blessing in disguise because I find that I have little tolerance for her anyway). Ironically, all the strong connections I had seemed to suddenly mirror my relationships in NYC. Like in NYC, I find myself finding distance between myself and a lot of my friends because of different life choices and paths. God, I miss those youthful bonds I had back when I was a teenager!

I find myself becoming more cynical about people and very wary of any new friends in my life. For example, I feel heavy every time I have to deal with a kid who is trying to pass a fake ID so that he/she can drink at my restaurant. One kid decided he was going to accuse my restaurant manager for being racist because my manager wouldn't accept his ID. I think this kid was Armenian, but he was trying to pass himself off as a Turkish citizen. My manager is a Costa Rican native. Yeah...racism. Dumb kid! Sometimes I wish I could punch people.

Lastly, my relationship with my new man. He's not really new. I've been with him for 2 years now. But I guess he's "new" because he's post-Noel. I am surprised at how much of an identity I built around my relationship with Noel. It's been a journey to build an identity without him. I guess this chapter of my life heavily incorporates the word "patience". I have to be patient with my career and I also have to be patient with my personal life. For those who I've talked to about my relationship, it's been shit storm after shit storm. I love this man more than words can say and struggling through the obstacles that we have - it just seems never ending. I don't know what will happen with us, but I know that we love each other dearly and that we're both working towards making everything work. But some times, having to be patient just sucks.

So hopefully having written about these few frustrations, I can let go of this negativity. I don't know if it will actually work, but what have I to lose, right?

Amusing Life Mishaps

I am standing on my tip toes.
Man, I'm short.

Quote of the Day

Well, I guess this is more of a story:

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a diner. The owner of the restaurant asked the Secret Service if he could please speak to Michelle in private. They obliged. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

I believe one of my friends said it best:
Ladies: There's no need to be a "feminist" now that I've coined the term "feminine-ist". While I think the first comes from a competitive place, mine comes from celebrating being a woman, knowing it's power, and using it for good to SUPPORT men. :)

My Favorite Superbowl Commercial

P.S. I'm officially SAG eligible now. :-)

100 Years of Evil

So I went on my Imdb profile to check on something and discovered that a film I did 2 years ago has been completed. On top of that, I discovered that the trailer was presented at the Cannes Film Festival and was positively received. Um, yeah, would've LOVED to have gotten a memo or something about this. It's currently in the Stockholm Film Festival. I tried to read up about the festival but everything was in Swedish. No luck for me. But I googled around and yes, my name is on the film blurbs so I'm guessing that my part wasn't cut out. I have a small role in this conspiracy film, but to be honest with you, I really have no idea what this movie is about. All I know is that it's a conspiracy film about the possibility of Hilter not having committed suicide in that bunker back in WWII. As a result, he created 100 years of evil that followed.

I've e-mailed the director, however, I highly doubt he'll respond to me. I've found two websites that will allow people to download the film for free. Unfortunately, my computer isn't tech savvy enough to handle it so hopefully, a couple of my friends will be able to help me out. I hope to have some updates about this soon!

There really isn't much information about this film at this point, but this is its official website:

http://www.100yoe.com/

Yup. Now you know everything that I know.