Lucky Break!!!

My speeding ticket got dismissed!!! My cop didn't show up! Yay!!!!

Next on the agenda: Don't get anymore tickets.

Career Therapy

Warning: Long post.

I don't actually have a manager, but I do have a manager who's helping me on a consulting basis. I'd like to nickname my sessions with her "career therapy". She's been giving me ideas on what I can do to keep some kind of momentum going while I "wait" for other people in the industry to let me in the door. One of her recommendations is to be more present and positive about being in the now, as opposed to being wistful for the future, or nostalgic for the past. She also suggests that I keep writing about my acting endeavors on this blog. So I'm going to attack one thing at a time:

1. Being more present and positive about being in the now: Career

I'm having difficulties being "positive". Things are just kinda ... well, stagnant for now. How can I be content with the present if I feel like nothing is happening??? So I figure, well maybe if I let go of the negativity that I'm holding in, it might help.

Let me correct myself: "nothing" is not exactly happening. Things are happening, I'm just relying on other people to get me from point A to point B. I know that my agent is working for me, especially since I got a random call from her the other night asking if I knew how to speak Korean. Of course, my answer was no. So yes, she's definitely submitting me and working on my behalf. I suppose we're just waiting for casting directors to want to call me in. Maybe I'm just waiting for just the right role to come my way? Who knows??? I got one big audition for pilot season and I want to have more. I'd ideally love to have 3 -5 auditions a week. That's not happening yet. What has been happening is me sending out postcards about becoming SAG eligible back in Feb and taking workshops to get exposure to various casting directors. Those two things cost money. So any extra money I have left over after paying bills have been going to postcards and workshops. Hence, I never have any money to do anything fun. I miss fun. Thus, I transition to ...

2. Being more present and positive about being in the now: Relationships and People

I had come to the realization back when I lived in NYC that I could not live my life just for my career. One of the major reasons why I moved back to Los Angeles was that my personal life was here. I had a boyfriend in CA, my parents were here, and my LA friends just seemed to be moving at a slower pace. I felt that life in New York was moving way too fast with friends getting married and having children - I wasn't ready to deal with any of that yet. Also, New York was proving to be exceedingly expensive and just working and sleeping wasn't the way I wanted to continue living. As many know, my relationship fell apart, now the friends in LA are heading towards marriage and children, and my dysfunctional mother has decided to stop talking to me (which turns out to be a blessing in disguise because I find that I have little tolerance for her anyway). Ironically, all the strong connections I had seemed to suddenly mirror my relationships in NYC. Like in NYC, I find myself finding distance between myself and a lot of my friends because of different life choices and paths. God, I miss those youthful bonds I had back when I was a teenager!

I find myself becoming more cynical about people and very wary of any new friends in my life. For example, I feel heavy every time I have to deal with a kid who is trying to pass a fake ID so that he/she can drink at my restaurant. One kid decided he was going to accuse my restaurant manager for being racist because my manager wouldn't accept his ID. I think this kid was Armenian, but he was trying to pass himself off as a Turkish citizen. My manager is a Costa Rican native. Yeah...racism. Dumb kid! Sometimes I wish I could punch people.

Lastly, my relationship with my new man. He's not really new. I've been with him for 2 years now. But I guess he's "new" because he's post-Noel. I am surprised at how much of an identity I built around my relationship with Noel. It's been a journey to build an identity without him. I guess this chapter of my life heavily incorporates the word "patience". I have to be patient with my career and I also have to be patient with my personal life. For those who I've talked to about my relationship, it's been shit storm after shit storm. I love this man more than words can say and struggling through the obstacles that we have - it just seems never ending. I don't know what will happen with us, but I know that we love each other dearly and that we're both working towards making everything work. But some times, having to be patient just sucks.

So hopefully having written about these few frustrations, I can let go of this negativity. I don't know if it will actually work, but what have I to lose, right?

A 26th Birthday Dinner

My grandparents took my two cousins, Lauren, Nikki, and I out to dinner for our 26th birthday. Each of us are only 3 weeks apart, me being the oldest, followed by Nikki and then Lauren. 10 years ago, they had taken us out to lunch at Club 33 in Disneyland. This was us:

Gotta love that adolescent awkward phase.

So yes, let me explain because I'm sure many of you are thinking, "Wait ... those people aren't Asian!" I have been adopted as a granddaughter. My mother and my grandmother were really good friends before I was born. Hence, the following formula happened:

Simmone born + Nana & Papa claiming Simmone

= Adopted granddaughter

No, there were no legal adoption papers filed and yes, I did have relationships with my biological grandparents. So instead of 2 sets of grandparents, I had 3. Essentially if you're still confused, just smile and nod because it is what it is. They are my grandparents and Nikki and Lauren are my cousins (plus DJ, who is Lauren's brother, who's not here because he's a boy) and I've been a part of the family all my life.

We tried to re-create the photo from 10 years ago. Us girls are a little off center. Nan and Papa pretty much look the same. The rest of us, well, we're all pretty happy we've gotten over our adolescence. Haha!

Nan and Papa took us to Sakura in La Cañada, CA. Think Japanese flair cooking.

And the night begins!

Our chef didn't really do too many tricks. He liked to play pranks though, by pretending to throw things at us.

Our table was at a 90 degree angle so getting pictures of everyone in action was a little difficult.

Here's a picture of me getting nailed in the face with a shrimp. The chef was aiming for my mouth and missed.

Action shot of Nikki trying to catch the shrimp!

Picture of Lauren after she missed her shrimp. Our chef didn't have very good aim.

Nikki: "I totally thought I was out of the way. But apparently my chest wanted to be in the pic, haha!"

So the restaurant found out that we were celebrating our birthdays and they had us all hit their birthday gong. Then they brought us ice cream cake, which I didn't take pictures of because I refuse to perpetuate this Asian/tourist trend I've been noticing at Bubba Gump! ;0P

The cake was awesome though!

Aw, lookie! We're all growed up!

Thanks for an awesome birthday dinner Nana and Papa!

Back on the Swing!

I got a second job!!!!!

After a week and a half of relentlessly going to restaurant after restaurant, filling out applications, leaving resumes, and a week and a half of waiting to hear from people, I found a second job!!! I will be working at BJ's Restaurant in Glendale, CA as a server and my starting date should be around the weekend of Feb. 20th. I am excited about finally having two jobs that offer some type of stability.

As you may have noticed, I haven't been blogging that much. The reason being was that I was just becoming depressed. I would go out and job hunt, but then spend the rest of the day at home, or go to work the two days out of the week that I was scheduled. I was finding it increasingly difficult to even get up and go to the gym, which was starting to make me gain weight. For the most part, I wasn't exactly the most pleasant human being to be around and I didn't find much sense in blogging about how miserable I was feeling. So hopefully I am back on the upward climb and will again be my happy-go-lucky self soon.

One way I've been dealing with keeping my head afloat with depression is to change my workout routine. I have cancelled my gym membership with 24 Hour Fitness and am contemplating picking up Bar Method for a month. There's a more detailed description of what it is on their website, but from what I understood, it's a type of exercise workout that's a mixture of yoga, pilates, and cardio - a really good workout routine for former dancers. I will be trying my first class this Friday and I'm excited!

It's nice to have something to be excited about when life gets you down. However, with the new job and Bar Method, I might be really happy for the next month. Hopefully 2010 will start to get better!

Fie, I say!

Well this year is off to a great start, and I say that with great sarcasm. I was expecting my logging job at 51 Minds to resume at the end of this month. I've just been informed that the company is basically in "survival mode". People who were supposed to be promoted are not being promoted and practically everyone is being laid off left, right, and center. While technically I am still employed by the company, I probably won't be working on this upcoming show. I was told that the company would usually have a team of at least 20 loggers on a show and they are going to only hire 8 loggers for this new show. I've started applying for other hospitality jobs and I will be talking to one of my logger friends to help me apply for other logging jobs.

I am so disappointed and frustrated. I was really hoping the job would pull through. Damn the economy and damn that bastard who killed his wife and himself last year! Bleh!

Sesame Street 2.0

Universal Studio's announced yesterday that employees would be going through "Relocation Parking" this weekend. The reason for this is that they are expecting "high parking attendance". When I got to Bubba's, I asked what was going on and I was told that The Wiggles were doing a concert at Universal this weekend. Okay ... what the who is a wiggle?!? So I guess they're an Australian band that performs songs/shows that help educate pre-school children - I didn't really read too much of the website because I don't really care that much, but I think my visual senses have been offended by all the bright colors on their site. Guess I didn't realize exactly how much visual stimulation a pre-schooler needs ...

Also, has anyone been watching Sesame Street lately??? There is a blue monster that speaks with a Hispanic accent. WHO IS THAT?!?! And what's up with Cookie Monster??? He doesn't eat cookies anymore!!! He now eats fruits and vegetables.

"Cookies are a sometime snack!" - Cookie Monster

NO!!! NO THEY'RE NOT! A COOKIE MONSTER IS SUPPOSED TO EAT COOKIES!!!!

I call shenanigans!!!! Who turned Cookie Monster into a health nut?!?!? SHENANIGANS!!!!!

*mutters* stupid people totally deleting characteristics of my childhood ...

Procrastination

Look at the visitor my parents got! He was hanging out in the garage.

I've named him Gizzard. So this is Gizzard, the lizard.

So I've been a bad blogger as of late. I haven't been writing in this as often as I probably should. But on the other hand, not too much has been happening that's really worthy of a post.

I got a job! Woot! I'll be working at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company at Universal Studios City Walk. Tourist spot = lots o' cash! Yay! So the financial front will soon be covered! (Thank God, finally!)

Other than that, been back to hitting the gym (4 months away from the gym = bad idea. I used to be able to lift 45 - 50 lbs. Now I can only lift 25 lbs. So sad!), memorizing Bubba Gump material, quasi-working on this play (that doesn't look like it'll be going anywhere. Timing was off, I guess...*shrugs*), running errands... Yeah... soooo exciting. But nonetheless, happy!

Eharmony ... and Other Tid Bits

I know it's been a while since I've written anything up here. I kind of feel like life has been boring, but then I remember that I've only been back in LA for 2 months - I suppose that in actuality, a lot has happened. I literally just rambled ... you still with me???

So the above little bit was a little bit of a lie. A lot has happened to me emotionally. Noel and I are doing well and the boy from NY is now completely out of my life - yes ... the thing with the NY guy from back in Dec just dragged on and it's now finally over and done with. *rolls eyes* Yes, I do have my own "kill brain cells" moments. I guess I'm one of those people who doesn't like to air my dirty laundry out in the open. Suffice it to say, I had allowed myself to feel emotionally beaten up for about a week and a half and now a week and a half later, I'm feeling significantly better! I will say that break ups definitely become easier after the first one. (What would you say I'm on ... #2 1/2??? Well, I've definitely gone through 2 significant ones.)

For the most part, I've been just working, submitting myself to what ever acting projects that are going on, and auditioning. I have been temping with this non-profit, KYDS (Keep Youth Doing Something). They basically fund after school programs for low-income kids and work with schools in the LA Unified School District and the valley. It's been keeping me occupied but the biggest surprise was that they asked me if I was interested in teaching acting classes to middle school/high school kids. I thought about it and realized, I need money ... and I need something to do because with this economy, nothing is going on!!!! So I said yes, I was interested. And then I realized, "I don't know how to teach!!!! I've never taught an acting class before!!!! What the hell am I gonna do?!?!?!" So if anyone has any suggestions, please give me a heads up!!!! I haven't gotten the job yet, but I know that my boss is actually looking for a school in their jurisdiction that has an opening.

On the lighter side of things, I did something impulsive. One of the things that I tend to do when recuperating from a break up is do to something that's just out of character. This time, I joined Eharmony. Hahahaha! Well, I was curious!!!! Let me tell you, I was officially over the whole experience after 2 days. I am by no means judging others who use Eharmony because it has actually worked for people. What ever comments I make are a reflection from my own personal experience. It quickly became very clear that Eharmony was not for me. The website claims to match you to people based on "compatibility". I'm not really sure what that means, but the website has matched me up with really nerdy guys. I haven't decided if I've been matched with these guys because personality-wise I am nerdy myself, or if it's because most of the men on Eharmony are nerds. I mean, I will be the first person to tell you that I am a self-proclaimed nerd. I am totally content geeking it up for hours on the internet and I love Spike and the Sci-Fi Channel because they feed my closeted "Star Trek: The Next Generation" addiction. But those aren't quite the qualities I'm looking for in the other person. One good thing that Eharmony does is force you to look at yourself (and it's not like I don't do that enough already - I'm an actor and my world evolves around me. I kid, I kid!) in the context of how you view potential romantic partners. I've come to the realization that when it comes to men, I'm pretty arrogant. I know that I will demand a lot and I think I know what I want in my partner (give me a guy with a nice face and broad shoulders ;0P ). So basically I've concluded that assholes are good for me. It is a double-edged sword though because assholes will have the guts to be able to deal with me, but at the same time ... they're assholes! Hahaha!

All my joking and shenanigans aside, I am quite content to be single right now. I guess technically, I've been completely single for a little under a month. I'm not really in a rush to be with anyone and I'm content to wait until I meet someone who meets my standards (arrogance kicking in now!). So life is ... well I'm not going to lie, it's kinda ... meh ... I'm not really feeling content or fulfilled, but c'est la vie! I guess things can only go up from here!

And Start the Divorce Announcements ... NOW!

Remember yesterday I was having a moment about everyone getting engaged/married? Sadly, the divorce notices are already happening ... yeesh!

Everyone's Engaged!!!!!

Thanks to Facebook, I happen to know that everyone and their mother is getting engaged/married. Do I feel left out? Yes, but for all the wrong reasons! It's driving me a little crazy. (Note: This annoyance is towards all couples that I really don't give a rat's ass about, like acquaintances from high school.) But on the plus side, I get to see really cool engagement pictures (and also painfully cheesy engagement pictures which make me cringe in my seat):

Guess I know who to ask if I want a good photographer. Haha!

That's pretty much it for now. Nothing exciting is going on with me right now. Just auditioning and getting little gigs here and there. Don't get me wrong, those little things definitely signify progress, but they're hardly worth mentioning here. I might have a job interview soon though! Send good thoughts my way!!!

Odd How the Mind Works

The crazy thing about an eating disorder is that it's pretty much a psychological disorder - it's all in the head. I'm fine now. Thank goodness I bought a pair of leggings because I put them on and noticed that I didn't have a "muffin top" with them on. That's how I realized that my body is actually still the same. It's amazing how I took my eyes off the mirror in that moment, then looked back and I suddenly was no longer "fat". 

I'm okay ... for now. 

Being Uncomfortable

I'm physically and mentally uncomfortable. I think being back in Los Angeles has definitely been a positive decision because I'm close to my parents and Noel. So I have people to see and talk to regularly. But at the same time, I just don't feel like I've found any respite from life.

I have started myself on birth control again, being that I'm now in the dating world and I have no idea what situation I might find myself in. So I thought I'd take this precaution because I really have no interest in having a baby at the moment. But at the same time I think my body is reacting to it. I'm definitely a bit more bloated than usual, which is triggering off my eating disorder and sending me into a panic about weight gain. I currently am not signed up with a gym because I don't have the money. So without that, the psychological part of my anorexia is not evening out. I'd go for a run but I'm feeling so exhausted, which is just a symptom of menstruation, period (no pun intended). 

On top of that, I am bored out of my mind. I know that the economy is bad so it's not a huge surprise that I haven't landed a job yet. I'm actively sending out resumes and I started auditioning again last week. Essentially I just have a lot of free time on my hands, which means that my mind is running rampant. It is my worst enemy right now and I'm driving myself insane.

I kinda wish I had a dog right now. The animal would at least give me something to do. 

I don't know if it's just me, but I really don't like watching TV these days. Maybe it's me coming off of 3 years of not physically owning a TV, but I really don't have much patience to sit in front of it. I find I'd rather be on the internet looking for pointless dribble.

Sometimes I wish there was something like Adderall for the brain or something. I'm going nuts! Although I will say, I'd probably be in a worse frame of mind if I were in NYC by myself.

Life Back on the West Coast

My friend, Carissa asked me today if I was happy about being back in Los Angeles. Uh ... do we need to ask??? How could you not be happy when you're driving home and you get to see this from your car window?

Okay, well I didn't see this exact view from my car, but definitely something similar!

You, too would be able to take photos like these if your parents' house was on a hill!

Suffice it to say, I'm definitely coming down from the high of "I'M BACK IN LA!!!!" syndrome. It is interesting to note that I'm still experiencing many of the same symptoms that I felt while in NY - although I was warned that just because I changed my location all my demons wouldn't go away. So it's not a total surprise that I'm starting to be obsessive - again. I did say that I was going to try to give that up this year, right? Lol! It's proving to be difficult because I'm just so ready to start working. I'm currently job hunting but for the most part, I'm bored outta my mind! So a lot of free time = time for Simmone's mind to start obsessing. It'd be a lot easier if I had money to buy things to furnish my new apartment. I've decided that my apartment is just going to be my ongoing pet project. I'm slowly starting to envision what I'd like the interior design to look like. I guess the plus side of living in an NYC apartment is that you don't really have much furniture because there isn't really much room for furniture in the first place. So essentially, my current apartment, which is almost 3x's larger than my Manhattan apartment, and significantly cheaper in rent, is a little empty. But I guess it's a vicious circle:

• Bored out of my mind --> I'll furnish my apartment! --> Need money --> Need job --> Job hunt --> Wait for response from employers --> Bored out of my mind.

Goal for tomorrow: Get a Ross Report so I can start mailing in headshots = something to do.

Note taken.

And of course, who could've missed Barak Obama's inauguration??? Well, I'm not going to say much about it, since everything that could have been said has been said. But I will say, can we look at the expression on the man's face when he looks at his wife??? Hopefully some day a man will look at me like that. *cue a simultaneous Awwwwww!* Yeah, yeah ... the die-hard romantic in Simmone and all that crap ... shaddup!!!

I'm Still Alive!!!

Hi hi hi hi hi!

Yes, I've been MIA lately, due mostly to getting settled back in my hometown. I will have pictures of my new apartment soon!!! Mostly now, my days are spent unpacking and submitting my resume for jobs. I'm praying that things will pick up in the acting department and that SAG won't go on strike. If they do, at least I can pursue what ever theater they have out here and try to get my Equity card. I have a hypothesis that it'll be easier to get my Equity card out here because there are less actors competing for roles in theater, as opposed to New York which is primarily a theater town.

Basically, I've decided that for the year 2009, I'm going to let life happen to me. For the past two years, I've been obsessing about my career and quite frankly, I'm just exhausted. If I've learned anything from the past year, I need to enjoy my personal life and just live. The good part is, I'm in LA now and I have a car!!!! I'm no longer stranded by stupid public transportation!!! I can go places!!! I can go to places where I can have fun!!!!! I know that the acting thing will happen eventually, but spending my time with friends and family - those are times I will never get back. And you know what else is also amazing??? The landscape is spread out so I feel like I can breathe!!!! So yes, this has been a moment of "Simmone Growing Up". Thanks for tuning into the program.

By the way, my mom was totally lashing out at Canadians earlier today, which I thought was funny. And no, there really wasn't anything that provoked her mini-rant. She just randomly started going off on the Canadians. I can't really remember what she had said ... something about Canadians being artificial Americans. Hahaha!