Career Therapy

Warning: Long post.

I don't actually have a manager, but I do have a manager who's helping me on a consulting basis. I'd like to nickname my sessions with her "career therapy". She's been giving me ideas on what I can do to keep some kind of momentum going while I "wait" for other people in the industry to let me in the door. One of her recommendations is to be more present and positive about being in the now, as opposed to being wistful for the future, or nostalgic for the past. She also suggests that I keep writing about my acting endeavors on this blog. So I'm going to attack one thing at a time:

1. Being more present and positive about being in the now: Career

I'm having difficulties being "positive". Things are just kinda ... well, stagnant for now. How can I be content with the present if I feel like nothing is happening??? So I figure, well maybe if I let go of the negativity that I'm holding in, it might help.

Let me correct myself: "nothing" is not exactly happening. Things are happening, I'm just relying on other people to get me from point A to point B. I know that my agent is working for me, especially since I got a random call from her the other night asking if I knew how to speak Korean. Of course, my answer was no. So yes, she's definitely submitting me and working on my behalf. I suppose we're just waiting for casting directors to want to call me in. Maybe I'm just waiting for just the right role to come my way? Who knows??? I got one big audition for pilot season and I want to have more. I'd ideally love to have 3 -5 auditions a week. That's not happening yet. What has been happening is me sending out postcards about becoming SAG eligible back in Feb and taking workshops to get exposure to various casting directors. Those two things cost money. So any extra money I have left over after paying bills have been going to postcards and workshops. Hence, I never have any money to do anything fun. I miss fun. Thus, I transition to ...

2. Being more present and positive about being in the now: Relationships and People

I had come to the realization back when I lived in NYC that I could not live my life just for my career. One of the major reasons why I moved back to Los Angeles was that my personal life was here. I had a boyfriend in CA, my parents were here, and my LA friends just seemed to be moving at a slower pace. I felt that life in New York was moving way too fast with friends getting married and having children - I wasn't ready to deal with any of that yet. Also, New York was proving to be exceedingly expensive and just working and sleeping wasn't the way I wanted to continue living. As many know, my relationship fell apart, now the friends in LA are heading towards marriage and children, and my dysfunctional mother has decided to stop talking to me (which turns out to be a blessing in disguise because I find that I have little tolerance for her anyway). Ironically, all the strong connections I had seemed to suddenly mirror my relationships in NYC. Like in NYC, I find myself finding distance between myself and a lot of my friends because of different life choices and paths. God, I miss those youthful bonds I had back when I was a teenager!

I find myself becoming more cynical about people and very wary of any new friends in my life. For example, I feel heavy every time I have to deal with a kid who is trying to pass a fake ID so that he/she can drink at my restaurant. One kid decided he was going to accuse my restaurant manager for being racist because my manager wouldn't accept his ID. I think this kid was Armenian, but he was trying to pass himself off as a Turkish citizen. My manager is a Costa Rican native. Yeah...racism. Dumb kid! Sometimes I wish I could punch people.

Lastly, my relationship with my new man. He's not really new. I've been with him for 2 years now. But I guess he's "new" because he's post-Noel. I am surprised at how much of an identity I built around my relationship with Noel. It's been a journey to build an identity without him. I guess this chapter of my life heavily incorporates the word "patience". I have to be patient with my career and I also have to be patient with my personal life. For those who I've talked to about my relationship, it's been shit storm after shit storm. I love this man more than words can say and struggling through the obstacles that we have - it just seems never ending. I don't know what will happen with us, but I know that we love each other dearly and that we're both working towards making everything work. But some times, having to be patient just sucks.

So hopefully having written about these few frustrations, I can let go of this negativity. I don't know if it will actually work, but what have I to lose, right?

Amusing Life Mishaps

I am standing on my tip toes.
Man, I'm short.

Quote of the Day

Well, I guess this is more of a story:

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a diner. The owner of the restaurant asked the Secret Service if he could please speak to Michelle in private. They obliged. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

I believe one of my friends said it best:
Ladies: There's no need to be a "feminist" now that I've coined the term "feminine-ist". While I think the first comes from a competitive place, mine comes from celebrating being a woman, knowing it's power, and using it for good to SUPPORT men. :)

My Favorite Superbowl Commercial

P.S. I'm officially SAG eligible now. :-)

100 Years of Evil

So I went on my Imdb profile to check on something and discovered that a film I did 2 years ago has been completed. On top of that, I discovered that the trailer was presented at the Cannes Film Festival and was positively received. Um, yeah, would've LOVED to have gotten a memo or something about this. It's currently in the Stockholm Film Festival. I tried to read up about the festival but everything was in Swedish. No luck for me. But I googled around and yes, my name is on the film blurbs so I'm guessing that my part wasn't cut out. I have a small role in this conspiracy film, but to be honest with you, I really have no idea what this movie is about. All I know is that it's a conspiracy film about the possibility of Hilter not having committed suicide in that bunker back in WWII. As a result, he created 100 years of evil that followed.

I've e-mailed the director, however, I highly doubt he'll respond to me. I've found two websites that will allow people to download the film for free. Unfortunately, my computer isn't tech savvy enough to handle it so hopefully, a couple of my friends will be able to help me out. I hope to have some updates about this soon!

There really isn't much information about this film at this point, but this is its official website:

http://www.100yoe.com/

Yup. Now you know everything that I know.